mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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