You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is Oprah even human
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
