just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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