Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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