His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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