Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
