I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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