She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
