Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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