I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
