Can i not drive my cunt home
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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