I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
