i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
