i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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