I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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