and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
