Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
