i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
