If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
