You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize