currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
