Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
