He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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