I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
