so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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