I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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