The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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