I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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