I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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