i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
