It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize