He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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