Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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