proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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