If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
