yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this just has baby written all over it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
