That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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