I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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