Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
