yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
