ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
