it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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