i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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