you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
