I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
