I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
