First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
