So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
