I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
