lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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