Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
