and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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