She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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