Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize