and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
