Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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