Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
