ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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