chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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