Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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