today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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