need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
