I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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