***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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