So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
