If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
