Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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