but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
