Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
