I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
